Disclaimer: This is an article written by a woman, speaking about ideas that came from women, that are embodied by women. I value every individual woman’s expression of herself, and in no way seek to change or alter a style or artistic decision that makes anyone feel comfortable in their own skin.
For the longest time, I couldn’t put my finger on why I had such a hard time relating to the culture of chasing fragility. Seeing women talking about their desire to be soft, milky, delicate, angelic, a baby princess flower, conjured up no inspiration within me. I thought that the ease and elegance of femininity was beautiful, and I wanted to be close to it, but not at the risk of losing my punch. The fire that keeps me going. For me femininity is, at it’s best, awe-inspiring, and at it’s worst, dangerously insidious. This beautiful double-edged sword of womanhood is something that occupies my thoughts frequently.
This is why instead of being aloof, I propose, being memorable.
Be incredibly tangible to others. Make them know exactly who you are.
Wear your favorite scent of perfume proud wherever you go; make them smell you even after you’re gone. Laugh loudly, listen attentively, tell stories passionately. Meet your partner in conversation with a steady gaze. Wear clothing and accessories that shine, that you can see through, that cover you head-to-toe, that have sequins, that jingle when you walk, that click as you leave, that you can play with.
Carefully select the refreshments available in your home. Such a dire mistake it would be, for a guest to be served a sweet bubbling rosé, when you know in your heart that your soul is best embodied by a bold Chateau Lagrange red. Keep your kitchen well-stocked and inviting; your living room clean and plush. Make obvious the fruits of your labour, and make bountiful your place of being.
Don’t speak of work, of money, of troubles, of politics – those are the easy routes when it comes to conversation. Take another’s mind somewhere they would otherwise not go. Speak of travel, of obscure spiritual concepts, music and artistry, ask them questions, be interested in their answers. Recall fond memories, share heartfelt sentiments, conjure up grand images of the future, but … be sure not to give away more information than you genuinely want others to know. There is power in refinement, and keeping certain things to yourself.
The ultimate goal of being remembered fondly is to make sure that in any interaction, you are neither used, nor are you using the other person. You are embodying your fullest and brightest version of yourself. The rose gardens of your mind are in full bloom.
This, to me, is the highest calling.
The most darling and the most dangerous thing, after all, is an unforgettable woman.